I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
