He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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