is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
