I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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