I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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