i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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