bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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