I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You are the jesus of drinking
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
