okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
