I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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