It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
