i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
