its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
