On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
