What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
