No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
