marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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