so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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