I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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