You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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