She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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