Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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