fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
