I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
