mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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