he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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