I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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