I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
