That's intense
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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You. Win. At. Life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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