I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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