Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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