It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
