just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
