I skipped work to stalk him.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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