I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
