We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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