Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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