Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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