Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Less talking, more tequila
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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