if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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