We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drunk is a universal language darling
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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