I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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