this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
not ubering you a puppy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
