the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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