you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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