FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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