The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I want is dick and wine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
