I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
