sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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