Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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