I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
