he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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