I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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