I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
