We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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