dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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