i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize