kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i've created a new STD.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
