If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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