Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
