Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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