Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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