we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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