I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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