i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
